don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
