shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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