she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
