Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
