when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Boobs are out for the taking
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
