My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
