He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He kissed a someone with a penis
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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