So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
