so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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