I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
