all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
