So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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