I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
