You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
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