this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize