Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
