He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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