I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize