Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize