i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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