Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm sobbing to NWA
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize