If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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