Plan B is the new Plan A
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
