Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
