i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
