This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
