Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
