he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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