Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
