i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
