I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
