Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
