i would punch a child for taco bell
I hope mine doesn't look like that
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
