I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
