she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
