Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
