The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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