Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
