hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
