I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize