mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
