i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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