Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
