Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
