so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I got her a Nickelback box set.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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