he referred to my room as the tit cave...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
