I hate your face
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
