Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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