I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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