how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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