how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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