I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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