I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
