Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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