I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I will pee on everything he values.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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