no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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