we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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