I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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