so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
