We're like a lot better than the average bears
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
