I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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