Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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