That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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