dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Less talking, more tequila
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
