so that wasnt chicken after all
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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