I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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