Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
