My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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