Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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