The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize