i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Randomize
